I got a grill!

Yeah! That's right! I got braces! And they hurt like anything. Worse than that, though, they are making me feel CLAUSTROPHOBIC. Weird, right? Not something that I would have ever, ever guessed or thought about. I'm hanging in there, though. In general I've been having a lot more issues in Russia with crowded public transportation and so on, maybe due to more stress too. So, this is my big chance to overcome it once and for all! (And hopefully not rip $1000 worth of metal out of my own mouth with pliers....just kidding...kind of...) Last night I woke up and for the first time ever didn't notice the fact that I was sleeping on the uneven wooden planks poorly covered with fabric and nails that pass for a bed, but that was only because I was freaking out at the pressure INSIDE MY HEAD! Man! A whole new level of claustrophobia and no way to get away from it! I really don't think that I have ever felt anything worse than that ever, not in my entire life.

Anyway, panic aside, let's talk about Maslonitsa! To start, I freaked out on the bus there. There were WAY too many people, it was out. of. control. And there was no way to get off the bus, of course, because then I would have been standing in the middle of the Russian wilderness. But, really, all pagan holidays should start with a little insane panic. It just added to the overall feel of wildness that really characterized the day. When we got there, we had to walk about half a mile through the snow. Everything is warming up and melting and it really felt like spring. We finally got there and we ate (and ate and ate), mostly terribly overpriced street food like "warm" spiced wine, and crepes with sour cream, and shish-kababs, and mead, and tea and more mead. There were hoards of drunk men trying to climb a pole (some of them made it!), and geese fights (I didn't go see those), sleigh rides, a stage, traditional dances (people actually kicked up their heels, including us!), really it was just a wonderful wild and glutenous experience. Unfortunately we headed back around 3:30 so we missed the burning of the huge straw icon, but so it goes.

The next day we went to a little town called "Crystal Goose" to visit my ol' friend the dentist lady. (You know, the one who showed us where I could pay to get tortured.) Well! That was an experience, let me tell you! We got there without any problems because the bus was both large and empty, hopped off, and she busted out tea and pastries for us. (I wasn't surprised since she told me she was going to once...or twice...an hour...for the three days before we got there.) We immediately walked over to the local glass and crystal museum. The town was founded by a master artist who specialized in blowing glass. The whole economy developed around the crystal industry, and there are amazing art forms through the ages. Unfortunately, the cathedral where the museum is was ravaged during the Soviet Union like most of Russia's old buildings. They tore off the bell tower and took down the priceless lamps, etc. But in it's heyday, it was a collaborative work of art by some of the most famous artists of the time. The expositions there are absolutely stunning, everything from antique table settings to modern art (with crystal vases engraved with Stalin's face in the middle). We had a three hour tour in Russian, lead by one of Galya's friends. For me, that was about the coolest thing ever, and Adam and Emily were real troopers about it. After that we went back to her apartment and had a really nice meal. Her friend brought her 8-year-old daughter over and she whipped out Old MacDonald (with an oink oink here, oink oink, and a very, very oink oink eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo). We had to sit through some awful, awful family pictures first. It is still hard for me to believe that it is really acceptable to show strangers (Adam!) photos of your daughters dressed up and posing like fashion models at best, and like underwear models at worst! Galya's 19-year-old daughter even noticed how awkward we looked about 15 minutes in, and called us out on it. (Um....yeah. Obviously this is weird.)

In general, on day 1 Galya was nervous and worried that we wouldn't like the apartment and bustling around like Russian hosts do, plus there were a lot of guests so it wasn't too overwhelming for us. Adam, as the only male there, of course had to pour all the (awful!) wine, and he did a killer job, even remembered to stand the empty bottles on the floor for luck. I was pretty struck by how Russians relate to foreigners again. For example, if the situation were reversed and a Russian said something that no one understood at the dinner table, what would the reaction be? "What was that again?" maybe. Certainly not a long pause followed by (rude) laughter and "I didn't understand ANYTHING!" (statement not even directed at me!) I have to admit, I am getting tired of being the entertainment at these sort of get togethers, sort of trotted-out-"look at my Americans do tricks!"-style.

Also, apparently the reason that Galya wasn't worried about me being vegetarian was because she had decided that she would just feed me meat. I kind of guessed that ahead of time based on her totally derisive attitude when I told her. I feel like that was the start of the problems on day 1. For some reason, she has decided that I am her special little pet, which means that she was constantly telling me what to do and treating me like a 4-year-old. She even interrupted the excursion to put up my hood and tie it as tightly as possible. The thing was, it wasn't even cold, and she knew it wasn't! The weird part of Russian culture is that the attitude is "you can't do this alone, you're not capable, you don't know, you're too young, you need me" EVEN when people don't know the answer, they'll always tell you SOMETHING, or get up in your business and tell you what you are doing wrong. It is incredibly unpleasant, and in a lot of people, not a sign of caring, but more of a power play/hierarchy establisher.

Anyway, by day two, she was actually straight up bullying us, me in particular. I was literally at a loss as to what to do; I honestly could not force another layer of too-small clothes on or eat another bite. She was scrubbing our boots by hand and slamming the condition of our coats. I felt sick to my stomach and she was badgering us to have more, putting more food on the plate, ignoring me trying to explain that in our culture "I'm full" really means "I'm full." (Again, total lack of respect for/belief in diversity or cultural differences.)

This was obviously an extreme case, but the underlying theme of Russian hospitality is always that. Russians are so proud of how honored guests are, how people lay out feast even when they don't have the money, but really, even to Russians (I asked) relating to a Russian hostess is really stressful and unpleasant. We really had to start just laying down the law and being incredibly rude about what we were going to do. So all of that combined with some heavy conversation (that woman can make ANYTHING depressing) made the trip pretty stressful. But the crystal market there is AMAZING, the weather was beautiful, the forest was great (in the day that is; my favorite Emily quote from the trip was "I just don't know if we should follow a stranger into dark woods outside of town at night in a town with a big drug problem..." We literally had to refuse to walk any farther to get her to stop.) And the 8th of March, Women's Day, was HUGE. Everyone went crazy with gifts and good wishes on the street, it really is super important here.