Being sick in Russia....

So, Russian health care. It is a lot cheaper, and in fact I am considering getting braces here, since the cost of having them put on is about twice as much as having the dentists in America look at your teeth. You know, just taking a look to tell you what they recommend as far as braces go. But, before it starts sounding too good, let me just tell you all that being sick in this country is basically a nightmare.

First of all, even Russians will tell you to avoid Russian hospitals like the plague, probably because the plague is most likely rampant in the hospitals here. So what do you do when you get sick in this country? This is a vital question because Russians are sick ALL THE TIME. And when they are sick, they tell you about it. A lot. And they don't come to class or work. It is common knowledge that you can be too sick to go to class one day and show up the next day without a symptom in sight. It isn't just a matter of you should stay home, you MUST stay home. And no way Jose can you question someone who was "sick" about it.

Anyway, let me tell you what sorts of things go on to prevent and stop illness. First, tea. Lots of it, very hot, with lemon. Not sounding too weird yet? Add a virus-killing machine that you can park next to your desk. Virus-KILLING?-- you ask. The rest of the world is not yet aware that viruses can be KILLED. But that is Russia for you. Don't argue, don't go out without a hat on, don't sit on the floor or anything cold, and above all do NOT open a window if you feel too hot. You may open a window, but then you must leave the room, and only come back when you close the window. Cold air is in fact, ok, but THE DRAFT will kill you. Immediately. And all your future children. Which you'll be lucky to have anyway after sitting on that cold stone, and WHY DIDN'T YOU DRINK THAT 5TH CUP OF TEA LIKE I TOLD YOU?????? The weird thing is, this is not just the old women and the folk lore of the country. Everyone believes this. More than believes, KNOWS it to be true. Young people! University-educated, self-proclaimed doctors and lawyers!

It is something that really has to be experienced to be believed. (My adult students telling me that it is HEALTHY to jump into ice water at night in the winter because it is cold outside. In the summer, you must avoid cold water like Russian hospitals because it is HOT outside. It isn't good to cool down if you are hot.) Strangers on the street, who in this country would not stop to pick up an old woman if she fell (true), will stop to yell at you to put on a hat!

So I had a bit of an issue being sick because despite the fact that I was American sick (actually sick), my boss was pretty sure that I was not doing all I could to come back to work quickly. While also telling me to go home, because I was going to get everyone sick. She actually couldn't quite make up her mind what she was telling me, to be quite honest. "GO HOME IMMEDIATELY! But, you are coming to work tomorrow, right?" "If I'm better." (LOOOOONG measuring look + awkward silence.) I also, most unfortunately, did not have a high temperature. Now, much as I trust the $1 thermometer I bought, I was sweating, dehydrated and burning up with the window open in the middle of a winter night. This was not good enough. On every one of the 5-6 calls a day I was receiving, I was required to cite the NUMBERS. (In Celsius, so I actually had no idea what I was telling her anyway.) "That isn't high, you are ok." (I, in fact, am NOT ok. That I can assure you of. In fact, I have not been this sick in YEARS.) Also, apparently there is NO way that thermometer could malfunction. No possible way? NONE. Anyway, last night I stepped on it and shattered it, so maybe now there is a possible way it doesn't work.

Just to finish this blog up, let me recount what I learned about Russian childbirth, which takes place in Russian hospitals, and is also probably one of the worst things I have learned about in this country. 1.) Women are not allowed to have anyone in the room with them while they are in labor. Alone, or with the doctor, for the entire time. It is to protect against germs. Oh, of course, that is unless they want to pay a lot of extra money. Money does have a way of killing germs, that is for sure. 2.) After the baby is born, they immediately take it from the new mother and put it in a germ-free baby ward for a week. The mother is allowed to feed the baby a few times a day; for the other numerous feedings, the nurses give the baby formula. Most babies lose weight their first week. Of course, if you want your baby with you for that first week, you can pay extra for that. You will of course still be in the hospital, because you are not allowed to leave until that week is up either.

There is something really, really wrong with all this. There really are a lot of weirdly incomplete ideas and logic failures here, which just don't make sense since the foundation is there for a scientific, logical approach to the world. It's like the brooms here-- the dustpans all have really long handles so you don't have to bend over to use them. Great, right? But, then all the brooms have awkwardly short handles, so you have to stoop over to use them....