a country of contradictions

The way that Russians relate to people they don't know doesn't always "make sense" to those not born and raised in this country. For example, Adam and I were at a local restaurant for Valentine's Day and our tea pot didn't work at all. The spout was chipped so tea just spilled all over the table every time we tried to use it. Adam called the waitress over and asked for a new tea pot because ours didn't work. She proceeded to show us how to use a tea pot as though we were total idiots. (No, you pick it up and pour the tea out HERE.) I tried again: the spout is broken, so the tea pot doesn't work. "Ah, I see," she said. And walked away. That was the end of that little discussion, which just added to tone of the day; we had just come from a cafe where they messed up our order and, when called out on it, said, "Just try that, it's good!" Here the customer is always, and I mean always, wrong. And not only wrong, but most likely an idiot, plus wasting your time to boot.

On the other hand, once you are in with Russians, you are IN, and that transformation can be instantaneous. When Adam and I were looking for a dentist's office the other day, we accidentally walked into a dental lab. (Who advertises a dental lab, with a big picture of a smiling tooth no less...) The woman behind the counter would not even hear me out. But then, miraculously, this other woman came to my aid. Asked me what I needed. Started making phone calls. (They do, after all, have some connections in the city.) Suddenly the woman behind the counter was all smiles and friendliness. It's like she realized 'OH, WE LIKE THESE PEOPLE! MY MISTAKE!" Same thing at the local market where I buy fruits. There is a really nice boy there from Azerbaijan, probably somewhere around 18 years old. His uncle also works there, though, and was just the least friendly person of all time. But one day he saw us talking to his nephew and now he asks how we are every day even when Latsin isn't there! Common courtesy doesn't exist, but if you do something out of the ordinary (say accidentally steal garlic and then take money back a week later), everything is hunky dory!

AND, when someone is really your friend, they will do just about anything for you. I have just finished my first month in my own place thanks to Sasha. He spent hours on the phone calling places, arguing with agents, scheduling, etc. to get me this place. I didn't even see the place before we took it because of my work schedule! Now I spend almost no time at work because I am cooking, hanging with my friends, watching Russian soap operas (theme: teen girl wants to work and get an education, but her 19 year old husband demands children immediately), listening to music...I feel like this is the thing that is really going to make my year in Russia fun/happy/rewarding. At the end of the day, Kamila just didn't want to live with anyone else, and neither did I. (Of course, my bathroom sink fell off the wall, the faucets stopped working, and the kitchen sink clogged within my first week, but that is all part of the package here. There has also been some issue with my boss wanting to "call the host" and me just having to reiterate that this is my private life and I really don't want her to interfere or talk to my land lady in any way.)

And, actually, having a place has really opened my eyes to the financial situation in this city. I make about 16,000 rubles every month, which is around $500. I also get Russian lessons valued at another 2,000 rubles. So, it seems low and I even complained about it a lot at first. After all, I can barely pay for my own place (10,000 rubles a month) and a modest living. However, the average income here, for adult university grads, is 15,000 rubles. I was floored to find that out. People literally cannot live on their incomes. My frustrated "I can't take this anymore, it is worth it to get my own place and have less spending money" whim was something that almost no one in this city could afford. Families of four live in apartments with one bedroom on the outskirts of town; the parents sleep on a pull-out couch in the living room. We have students who don't live alone because they take English classes here. It made me feel bad, like some spoiled American marching in, throwing money around without even realizing that it is significant, expecting the cushiness of life in America. It reminded me of what I thought of other Carleton students when I first started college; these are people who don't even realize that they have been spoiled.

Anyway, I have also run into some of the cultural clashes with Russian hosting. Hosts here do EVERYTHING. They always have mountains of food, alcohol, entertainment. And then there's me: hey, want to come by for a big tonight? Maybe we could watch some t.v. or something.

Actually, it isn't usually a problem, but I did have one big party with a few awkward moments. Everyone called and asked "Should we bring something?" I said, "Oh you know, well you don't have to do that, but if you want, you can bring a little something to drink or whatever." Everyone showed up without anything. Artem even said "HEY! We should have brought something! Why didn't you tell us to?" Me: I thought I did?

Next, Sasha asks me if he can have a banana. Me: We are going to use those for banana splits in a minute. Are you hungry? Sasha: Oh, no no no, I just ate. Me: O.k. (two minutes later) Sasha: What do you have? Me: Let me show you! Do you want something? Him: Oh, no, I just wanted to see how you are settling in. Me: Seriously, do you want to eat something? I am asking you. Sasha: No.

Then after we bust out the banana splits, he comes out with, "This is great, I was SO hungry, I was thinking I'd have to go get something!" Keep in mind this is a good friend of mine who I have had some very frank conversations with; we have talked a lot about cultural differences and being guests, and how we just have to be really honest with each other sometimes to avoid cultural misunderstandings. He did remember to ask if he could help with the dishes, though, which was super cool, since Russians WILL NOT follow a host into the kitchen, not even to keep company. It was almost chaos when I told everyone they should come make their own banana splits...

Anyway, in two weeks I am giving a lecture in Russian about my experiences here and cultural differences and so on, which I'm super pumped about. I'm going to get to that now. Love you all!